Leo
But now, as it is, sorrows, unending sorrows must surge within your heart as well—for your own son's death. Never again will you embrace him stiding home. My spirit rebels—I've lost the will to live, to take my stand in the world of men—
Homer, The Iliad
The thing you are afraid of wanting is the same thing you have been moving toward without naming it for months. This is not about courage or its absence. It is about the strange way desire disguises itself as dread when the stakes feel too high to hold steadily. You have been practicing for this want in smaller rooms, with smaller audiences, telling yourself it was just practice. But the practice has been the real thing all along, and the fear is not of failing but of succeeding in a way that changes what you get to be afraid of next.