Cancer

The routine that no longer fits is the one you keep doing anyway because stopping feels like admitting something you are not ready to admit. You notice it in small ways first: the extra effort it takes to begin, the way your attention drifts while you are in the middle of it, the relief you feel when it is over. There is a version of caring for yourself that looks like holding on, and another version that looks like letting go. The harder work is learning to tell them apart when you are in the middle of needing both.